We had our first court date last Wednesday with a court commissioner. We will get to see Cinderella on Christmas day for the next few days after. We can't WAIT to see her. We learned some things when we went to court. First of all, the ex told her atty that she didn't think that my honey wanted to see Cinderella after August. Say WHAT? Second of all she told her atty that Cinderella & my mom didn't have a close relationship. Our attorney laughed & said, "I have a whole stack of papers proving otherwise."
We are now awaiting our next court date. At least we have a temp order in place so that we CAN see her.
The honey & I are a bit apprehensive to see her because we are unsure what she's been told. When I dropped her off in August I told her, "It'll be a while before we can see you but I promise daddy & I are going to fight for you." We've kept our promise up. We have bits & pieces of what she is acting like now & I'm unsure how or why she's doing what she's doing.
All we can do now is pray for the best. When we pick her up on the 25th, we will be bringing her back to our home to have OUR Christmas with her. We will be taking her to Grammy's grave so she can see where Grammy is & hopefully start to get some closure.
The most heart breaking part of my mom's service was when we were at the graveyard & after the words were said, the great grand babies laid yellow roses on her casket, The grand babies laid white roses, us kids laid light pink, daddy laid 1 single red rose on her casket. The honey & I laid Cinderella's rose on top of my mom's casket for her. Together we walked up, tears streaming, and laid the rose up there for my Cinderella. I sobbed when I turned around because we tried in vain to get Cinderella. She SHOULD'VE been there. She WANTED to be there.
In the end, we did everything we could. All that's left is prayer. My Cinderella has an amazing guardian angel looking out for her now.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Morals & Common Sense
I never thought I'd have to post a blog like this but I do.
My mom has been fighting lung cancer for approximately 2 years. She's been through 15 different chemo's & cocktails of medicine that was supposed to help. It probably did for a while, however she is now on hospice care. A week ago this past Sunday we got the news that the tumor in her right lung has consumed the lung. She is currently only using her left lung to continue living. She's had a DNR for a while. This all came as quite a shock to us considering that she had been told at the beginning of October that making it til Christmas was "No problem." He's now been fired for the simple fact that my mom is now on hospice care. As of a week ago they weren't sure if she would make it to this week. She did. Thank God.
You might be wondering how this ties into being a step mom. Here goes.
My fiance's ex has cut any and all contact between his daughter & himself. She's changed her phone numbers, completely blocked us from Facebook, etc. Due to this we have no way of contacting Cinderella. We contacted a friend of ours who lives up the road from Cinderella. She texted Cinderella and asked her to come up to her house so that they could call us & we could let Cinderella know what was going on. Cinderella's phone was sitting on the counter & her mom got it. Obviously all hell broke lose.
According to Cinderella's mom, we should have to go through her to talk to Cinderella. We aren't allowed to speak to her unless the phone is on speaker phone. Give me a break. It's her DAD! Her real one, the one that DOESN'T have DUI convictions, isn't an alcoholic, has a valid drivers license etc. We did speak to Cinderella and told her what was going on. Obviously she didn't say much because her mom was hovering over her like a vulture.
My Fiance' had texted his ex to see if we could have Cinderella so that way she could see my mom, who is on her death bed. We got a text 24 hours later that said, "Due to Facebook drama that has NOTHING to do with you, you can't see Cinderella." A few seconds later it said, "If you are alone, you can see her." Control freak anyone? This was after we got messages, 6 months ago, stating how close Cinderella was with my folks.
Cinderella's mom has repeatedly told MANY people that we will never see Cinderella again. This is a problem for her, both legally, and morally. My mom is on her death bed, Cinderella has said that she wants to be here when my mom passes. The other day she went up to our friend's house & told our friend that "She wasn't allowed to cry or she'd get in trouble." I don't have a be Lady Tremaine, her mom is. From top to bottom.
Then of course it was thrown in our face that we haven't requested to see Cinderella in 3 months. After being repeatedly told that we'd never see her again, why would we even request it? Ah, yes, it's contact with my fiance' that she wants to sleep with. It gives her control.
Unfortunately we are done playing her games. My mom has made a video for Cinderella to see since there's pretty much at 100% chance that she won't see Cinderella again before she dies. Soon everything will be in the courts hands. The outcome is looking bright. Especially with the stunts that her mom is pulling.
If you are a mom, for the love of God, put your selfish reasons aside. If you don't let your child see a dying relative, regardless of who it is, they will hate you. They won't get the closure that they need from someone they love.
All of this is because my honey didn't leave me to sleep with her. She believes that we are trying to ruin her life. We are not. Her own actions are ruining her life. The truth about who she's been sleeping with, will come out. The instability of her home, will come out. The psychoticness of who she is, will come out. Last but not least, we will get to see Cinderella again. We love her so much despite what her mom & step dad are telling her.
To my mom, we are fighting to see Cinderella, once you make it to Heaven, please let God know. We love you.
My mom has been fighting lung cancer for approximately 2 years. She's been through 15 different chemo's & cocktails of medicine that was supposed to help. It probably did for a while, however she is now on hospice care. A week ago this past Sunday we got the news that the tumor in her right lung has consumed the lung. She is currently only using her left lung to continue living. She's had a DNR for a while. This all came as quite a shock to us considering that she had been told at the beginning of October that making it til Christmas was "No problem." He's now been fired for the simple fact that my mom is now on hospice care. As of a week ago they weren't sure if she would make it to this week. She did. Thank God.
You might be wondering how this ties into being a step mom. Here goes.
My fiance's ex has cut any and all contact between his daughter & himself. She's changed her phone numbers, completely blocked us from Facebook, etc. Due to this we have no way of contacting Cinderella. We contacted a friend of ours who lives up the road from Cinderella. She texted Cinderella and asked her to come up to her house so that they could call us & we could let Cinderella know what was going on. Cinderella's phone was sitting on the counter & her mom got it. Obviously all hell broke lose.
According to Cinderella's mom, we should have to go through her to talk to Cinderella. We aren't allowed to speak to her unless the phone is on speaker phone. Give me a break. It's her DAD! Her real one, the one that DOESN'T have DUI convictions, isn't an alcoholic, has a valid drivers license etc. We did speak to Cinderella and told her what was going on. Obviously she didn't say much because her mom was hovering over her like a vulture.
My Fiance' had texted his ex to see if we could have Cinderella so that way she could see my mom, who is on her death bed. We got a text 24 hours later that said, "Due to Facebook drama that has NOTHING to do with you, you can't see Cinderella." A few seconds later it said, "If you are alone, you can see her." Control freak anyone? This was after we got messages, 6 months ago, stating how close Cinderella was with my folks.
Cinderella's mom has repeatedly told MANY people that we will never see Cinderella again. This is a problem for her, both legally, and morally. My mom is on her death bed, Cinderella has said that she wants to be here when my mom passes. The other day she went up to our friend's house & told our friend that "She wasn't allowed to cry or she'd get in trouble." I don't have a be Lady Tremaine, her mom is. From top to bottom.
Then of course it was thrown in our face that we haven't requested to see Cinderella in 3 months. After being repeatedly told that we'd never see her again, why would we even request it? Ah, yes, it's contact with my fiance' that she wants to sleep with. It gives her control.
Unfortunately we are done playing her games. My mom has made a video for Cinderella to see since there's pretty much at 100% chance that she won't see Cinderella again before she dies. Soon everything will be in the courts hands. The outcome is looking bright. Especially with the stunts that her mom is pulling.
If you are a mom, for the love of God, put your selfish reasons aside. If you don't let your child see a dying relative, regardless of who it is, they will hate you. They won't get the closure that they need from someone they love.
All of this is because my honey didn't leave me to sleep with her. She believes that we are trying to ruin her life. We are not. Her own actions are ruining her life. The truth about who she's been sleeping with, will come out. The instability of her home, will come out. The psychoticness of who she is, will come out. Last but not least, we will get to see Cinderella again. We love her so much despite what her mom & step dad are telling her.
To my mom, we are fighting to see Cinderella, once you make it to Heaven, please let God know. We love you.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The Name Game
Ohhhhhhhh how this can get sticky sticky sticky!!!!
We all know that 2 people have to have sex to have a kid. They don't need a license, they don't need any type of classes or books on how to be a mom & dad. They just don't. Personally I DO think that there should be some sort of parenting classes for new parents. Especially with all of the teen parents that are coming to be.
When you get divorced it should be a NO brainer that mom is mom & dad is dad. Unfortunately, and all too often the name game starts. Some step moms instantly expect to be called mom by children that barely know her. Some moms expect their children to call their new honey dad even though they barely know them themselves!
My ex is with a wicked bitch who would LOVE for my children to call her mom. Newsflash, not happening. When you openly discuss how much you hate ME, hate my children & hate who I am, my babies are NOT going to be cozy with you! They know that I'm mom. With my ex husband's first divorce (yes, he's on his 3rd marriage) she put IN the divorce that the parents keep their respective names. Aka Mom is saved for her & dad was saved for the ex. I thought this LUDICRIS! Are you kidding me???? WHY on God's green earth would I EVER force a child to call me mom?!?!? Now I understand why!
Do not under ANY circumstances expect for your child to call your new honey anything BUT their real name!!
Do not REFER to her as mom or mommy, or the new guy as dad or daddy. Refer to them as their REAL name.
This is one of the touchiest subjects there is aside from visitation & money.
My babies DO call my honey daddy. Put the torches down... When I got with my honey my babies were 4, 5 & 9. After MONTHS of correcting them & telling them, no you have a dad, this is *honey's name*, they continued. Then it was after *honeys name* & I get married then you can call him dad. This wasn't good enough. They started about a month after they met him & continue to do so. My honey & I tried in VAIN to get them to call him by his name & they wouldn't have it.
As I was tucking the now 7 year old in bed she questioned me on why I expected them to call my honey by his name. I explained that they already had a dad & while it was ok to have 2 dad's it might hurt their real dad's feelings by calling my honey daddy. I got a massive smack in the face when my 4 year old said, "Mommy, he treats us good. He loves us. He is always with us. He goes to everything for us. He's my daddy." Blew me away. Even at the tender age of 4, my daughter knew what it was to be a daddy.
In all honesty my honey has ALWAYS treated my babies like his own. He gets weird when I call them MY babies. As far as he's concerned they are OUR babies. All 4 of them. The then 4 year old had a point. He does & always has gone to their parent teacher conferences, dr. appointments, their games, their gymnastics meets, their programs at school, take daddy to school day etc. The school wouldn't know who the hell my ex husband was if he showed them his id. They'd be like you're not their dad, *insert honey's name* is their dad.
Bottom line, don't force it. If it comes naturally then it does. If they are young, try and correct them. If they are hell bent as my children are, then just hang it up. lol!
We all know that 2 people have to have sex to have a kid. They don't need a license, they don't need any type of classes or books on how to be a mom & dad. They just don't. Personally I DO think that there should be some sort of parenting classes for new parents. Especially with all of the teen parents that are coming to be.
When you get divorced it should be a NO brainer that mom is mom & dad is dad. Unfortunately, and all too often the name game starts. Some step moms instantly expect to be called mom by children that barely know her. Some moms expect their children to call their new honey dad even though they barely know them themselves!
My ex is with a wicked bitch who would LOVE for my children to call her mom. Newsflash, not happening. When you openly discuss how much you hate ME, hate my children & hate who I am, my babies are NOT going to be cozy with you! They know that I'm mom. With my ex husband's first divorce (yes, he's on his 3rd marriage) she put IN the divorce that the parents keep their respective names. Aka Mom is saved for her & dad was saved for the ex. I thought this LUDICRIS! Are you kidding me???? WHY on God's green earth would I EVER force a child to call me mom?!?!? Now I understand why!
Do not under ANY circumstances expect for your child to call your new honey anything BUT their real name!!
Do not REFER to her as mom or mommy, or the new guy as dad or daddy. Refer to them as their REAL name.
This is one of the touchiest subjects there is aside from visitation & money.
My babies DO call my honey daddy. Put the torches down... When I got with my honey my babies were 4, 5 & 9. After MONTHS of correcting them & telling them, no you have a dad, this is *honey's name*, they continued. Then it was after *honeys name* & I get married then you can call him dad. This wasn't good enough. They started about a month after they met him & continue to do so. My honey & I tried in VAIN to get them to call him by his name & they wouldn't have it.
As I was tucking the now 7 year old in bed she questioned me on why I expected them to call my honey by his name. I explained that they already had a dad & while it was ok to have 2 dad's it might hurt their real dad's feelings by calling my honey daddy. I got a massive smack in the face when my 4 year old said, "Mommy, he treats us good. He loves us. He is always with us. He goes to everything for us. He's my daddy." Blew me away. Even at the tender age of 4, my daughter knew what it was to be a daddy.
In all honesty my honey has ALWAYS treated my babies like his own. He gets weird when I call them MY babies. As far as he's concerned they are OUR babies. All 4 of them. The then 4 year old had a point. He does & always has gone to their parent teacher conferences, dr. appointments, their games, their gymnastics meets, their programs at school, take daddy to school day etc. The school wouldn't know who the hell my ex husband was if he showed them his id. They'd be like you're not their dad, *insert honey's name* is their dad.
Bottom line, don't force it. If it comes naturally then it does. If they are young, try and correct them. If they are hell bent as my children are, then just hang it up. lol!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Forced To Take A Break
I had to take a break from blogging because I found myself being sued by my ex. Him saying that I was in contempt of court for refusing visitation & not alternating every other holiday. I was flabberghasted. Then I found it comical that he was so stupid to file papers that were absolutely NOTHING but lies.
$2,200.00 later I got myself a female version of Gerry. Oh how I miss Gerry!!! My new attorney is amazing. She's flat out the best there is.
There were plenty of OMG moments in the court room. Let's start at the beginning so as not to confuse anyone.
4/30/2011--My ex husband & his wife got into a fight. It was a pretty big fight where she cussed at my 7 year old daughter & used (explained) my ex husband's genitals in the fight as she was screaming at my daughter. I only found this out after I picked my babies up from their dad at 10 pm that night. I asked the ex to sign a paper saying that it was in our children's best interest NOT to be around his wife. She's a lose cannon & high strung. He signed with no questions asked, said that that wouldn't be a problem because he was divorcing her. I've heard this song & dance before.
I texted him quite a few times requesting that he see the children. If he were anywhere near where I live I would meet him with the babies so that they could see him. July 2011 he saw my babies for 2 hours. That was it. 2 freaking hours.
8/30/2011 He texted me to see if he could get the kids for a weekend. My reply was simple, "As long as your wife is around no."
I knew then to get an attorney & I did just that. I went online and looked up our divorce record & saw that we had a pending court case for 9/21/2011. I called the court house to find out what was going on. They explained to me that *I* was being sued for contempt of court. My mind was B L O W N! Are you kidding me? He filed the papers 8/28/2011 & asked for visitation 2 days later? How does that work?
I saw my attorney & she shook her head. She asked me if I had done anything or if the ex was bitching about anything. I said, "No. This came out of the blue." It did. We are filing back against him for an up in child support, modified visitations & a change of venue.
He was served with notice of court less than 24 hours after I was served.
I went to court on Wednesday, nervous. The presiding judge can be a hard ass & quite frankly doesn't necessarily like women. That is just MY opinion of him.
We get there & of course the ex brings psychotic wife as well. Our case gets called up & I went through the doors, the ex went through & of course his wife went hauling ASS through the doors. The judge gave her a cock-eyed look & said, "Are you his counsel?" She PROUDLY said, "NO, I'M HIS WIFE!" The judge looked at her & said, "Go sit in the galley." CRACKED ME UP! DUMBASS!
Here we go!! The judge looked at the ex & said, "What proof do you have that she has been refusing visits?" He said, "Your Honor, I haven't seen my children since July." That was his evidence. I looked down.. tried not to laugh. The judge addressed my attorney & asked why I shouldn't be held in contempt of court. My attorney provided the written statements showing that he agreed NOT to see the children as long as his wife was going to be there. That he was free to see the kids at any time as long as she wasn't around.
The judge hopped up off his bench, made copies & showed them to the ex. He said, "Yes, those are my signatures." The judge asked if he had ever told me that he & his wife had reconciled? The ex said, "No, but I talked to her last week." The judge chuckled. He said, "We don't play like that."
The issue came up of us moving jurisdictions. The judge asked if the ex had any concerns about moving the case. The ex opened his stupid ass mouth & said, "Well your honor you've presided over our whole divorce & so I think it's necessary that you continue to." The judge looked at him & said, "I haven't seen you guys in 3 years!" I hung my head.. held my giggles back.
While all this is going on, his wife is just DYING to speak. She keeps having little out bursts. I'm actually surprised that the judge didn't throw her out.
The judge said, "Ok that's all, I can't find her in contempt b/c she's not." The wife, from the galley said, "BUT WE'RE NOT DONE, THERE'S MORE!!" Then the ex spoke up, "We have more." The judge said, "Uhm, first page? All it says is contempt of court for refusal of visitation & every other holiday." We're done. The ex said, "There's more on the back pages." The judge said, "Those issues weren't filed correctly." HAHAHAHA!
I was ready for all of it. The contempt of court, him dropping his salary from 60K a year to 13,200.00 a year etc. DO NOT MESS WITH MY CHILDREN YOU WILL LOSE!
Court was adjourned.
My attorney asked to speak to the ex & as usual 300 lbs of stupid (the wife) went hauling ass behind the ex. My attorney turned around & looked at her & said, "I WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM, NOT YOU!" HAHAHA! She came back out to the waiting area & plopped her 300 lb ass down. She stared me down the whole time. I giggled as I texted, I looked at my amazing ring, knowing that it was eating her alive.
Not only do *I* know how stupid the both of them are, the judge knows too! The judge kept telling the ex that he should probably get an attorney b/c he can't give legal advice.
As we were walking out my attorney said, "I told him that his wife was a bit high strung and she needed to chill out & that she could understand WHY I was fearful to send my children with him." I said, "If you can get him away from her, he's not bad to deal with. It's HER that's screwing this all up."
It IS 300 lbs of stupid that's screwing this all up & the reason my babies don't want to go on visits with their dad. For the longest time I blamed her for the way she treats my babies. I blame 400 lbs of stupid now too though b/c he tolerates it & allows her to treat them that way. He's just as guilty as she is.
Bottom line with the advice in this blog---
DO NOT LIE when you file papers with the court. You will look stupid.
GET A GOOD ATTORNEY!--You'll need one, especially if you are dealing with children.
DO NOT BRING YOUR HOT HEADED SPOUSE TO COURT!
If you are going to bring contempt charges, I suggest you have PROOF.
KEEP EVERYTHING! When I went into court I have over 2 YEARS of emails between my attorney & I & my ex & I. I keep texts. I always have & it's proven CRUCIAL to my cases.
DO NOT VERBALLY SPEAK TO THE EX ABOUT VISITATION, MONEY OWED, ETC. Do it all where it can be PRINTED out! Trust me, when they get into court, they lie. This can PROVE that!
This week was stressful. Even though I KNEW I had the upper hand, it was still stressful.
We have another court date coming up & so I'm sure as the time gets closer I won't be blogging again until it's over. This one I am the plaintiff & he's the defendant.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Rule #7 Attorney & Court
GET A GOOD ATTORNEY!!! Seriously, it's dealing with the kids, GET A GOOD ATTORNEY! I can NOT stress this enough!!!
My attorney was amazing in my divorce. He wiped the floor with my ex and I received alimony, child support, 401K etc. He was awesome. I got the visitation stuff that I wanted AND for a judge who rarely does anything BUT 50/50 custody, I was awarded sole custody of the kids. I have custody of their doctor appointments, schooling etc. My word is THE final word.
Unfortunately my attorney committed suicide back in February. RIP sir. I loved him AND his secretary. Now someone else has taken over that I don't care for nearly as much. Him OR the secretary.
I met with the 'new' attorney back in April/May..somewhere in there. I was not impressed by him. Not at all. He is NOT even 1/2 the attorney my old attorney was. I felt safe with my old attorney. This one, not so much. I'm meeting with a new attorney on Friday. I can't wait. This is the same attorney that my honey used in his court case. If we could take this one up north for my honey's custody stuffs we would!
I am headed back to court because I'm being sued for being in contempt of court. I'm ready for it. Let's go. With a good attorney you don't have to worry about much. If this means you have to feast on Ramen for months then do it. A good attorney is the difference between hell and hope. My ex's attorney, that my ex eventually stiffed for money, was hitting on me DURING court. Get a good attorney.
Before you go back to court & issue notice to your ex that you aren't happy, try discussing it. It's been 3 years since I've been in court & I was content with everything. I was content with pulling child support from only 1 job instead of all 3 that he works. Apparently he is not, so therefor I am no longer content with only pulling child support from 1 job.
Stop and think before you file contempt charges. What you write is an affidavit & is considered sworn testimony. If your ex can prove you wrong, you have perjured yourself. Judges don't like liars. However if you are the defendant in the case & CAN prove that the plaintiff has perjured themselves, this is awesome for you. *bows*
Before going to court sit back and think about WHY you are suing the other person. Is it worth it? Play out all the scenarios. Have you done everything in your power to make things work? Have you fostered a relationship between ex and the children? Does s/he owe you money? Is there a chance that this could turn out poorly for you?
It seems as such the ones who WANT to go to court consider themselves the 'underdog' or victim. If you are an adult, unless it's a heinous crime, you are NOT a victim. A victim is a helpless person who has no choice. Those would be the children. So often people forget that this is NOT about them, it's about the children.
All of this being said, I'm ready for my court date. I'm ready for my honey's court date. Let's go. I'm ready to rumble.
My attorney was amazing in my divorce. He wiped the floor with my ex and I received alimony, child support, 401K etc. He was awesome. I got the visitation stuff that I wanted AND for a judge who rarely does anything BUT 50/50 custody, I was awarded sole custody of the kids. I have custody of their doctor appointments, schooling etc. My word is THE final word.
Unfortunately my attorney committed suicide back in February. RIP sir. I loved him AND his secretary. Now someone else has taken over that I don't care for nearly as much. Him OR the secretary.
I met with the 'new' attorney back in April/May..somewhere in there. I was not impressed by him. Not at all. He is NOT even 1/2 the attorney my old attorney was. I felt safe with my old attorney. This one, not so much. I'm meeting with a new attorney on Friday. I can't wait. This is the same attorney that my honey used in his court case. If we could take this one up north for my honey's custody stuffs we would!
I am headed back to court because I'm being sued for being in contempt of court. I'm ready for it. Let's go. With a good attorney you don't have to worry about much. If this means you have to feast on Ramen for months then do it. A good attorney is the difference between hell and hope. My ex's attorney, that my ex eventually stiffed for money, was hitting on me DURING court. Get a good attorney.
Before you go back to court & issue notice to your ex that you aren't happy, try discussing it. It's been 3 years since I've been in court & I was content with everything. I was content with pulling child support from only 1 job instead of all 3 that he works. Apparently he is not, so therefor I am no longer content with only pulling child support from 1 job.
Stop and think before you file contempt charges. What you write is an affidavit & is considered sworn testimony. If your ex can prove you wrong, you have perjured yourself. Judges don't like liars. However if you are the defendant in the case & CAN prove that the plaintiff has perjured themselves, this is awesome for you. *bows*
Before going to court sit back and think about WHY you are suing the other person. Is it worth it? Play out all the scenarios. Have you done everything in your power to make things work? Have you fostered a relationship between ex and the children? Does s/he owe you money? Is there a chance that this could turn out poorly for you?
It seems as such the ones who WANT to go to court consider themselves the 'underdog' or victim. If you are an adult, unless it's a heinous crime, you are NOT a victim. A victim is a helpless person who has no choice. Those would be the children. So often people forget that this is NOT about them, it's about the children.
All of this being said, I'm ready for my court date. I'm ready for my honey's court date. Let's go. I'm ready to rumble.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Rule #6 Court
Document, document, document, document, times, dates, what was said, who was said it etc. Personal records are better than nothing. You can't go into court & say, "Around this date.." That doesn't work. If you have it on a piece of paper, this is the date, this is the time, this is what was said, it will look A LOT better for you. The more you can prove, the better.
Stick to the facts. X said this, I said that. Do NOT put Derelict *ex's name* said this. That won't work either! Keep it objective. Think about it, when someone is telling you a story of a fight that they had with someone else, it gets long and drawn out. Keep it short, to the point, and keep the details in it.
That's all the judge wants.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Rule #5 Act Like The Judge Is Watching You
Anytime I do anything as a bio mom or step (cringe!) mom I do it as though the judge is watching. With the amount of technology that is available today you never know who is watching & listening to what YOU'RE doing! You've heard of Big Brother? Well they have these dandy little things called Private Investigators. They are pretty much the same & are probably better & more organized than the government could ever be. They are also admissible in court.
If you're having an affair, they'll be able to prove it. If you're part of the parental alienation clan, they'll prove it. If you're an alcoholic, they'll prove it. If you're drinking & driving they'll prove it. If you have a short temper, they'll prove it. If you're beating on your kids or spouse, they'll prove it.
Aside from having a PI there are other ways to prove what you need to. Text messages, Emails, videos of child exchanges if they're nasty, Facebook is always a wealth of information. They have all kinds of websites for you to write your opinions, thoughts, & statuses. Be aware that you're stupid ex, may already know about them all. Then again your ex might be with someone who's deep down desire is to be a PI.
All of this is admissible in court. It's almost as though those are handwritten documents. Time/Date stamps are a fabulous thing.
I used them in my divorce with my ex. Proving that he was trying to have an extra-marital affair, his little buddy hanging out online for the world to see, his ads on AFF etc. I got my divorce on grounds of mental cruelty. In other words he was being 'bad' in our marriage and he irretrievably broke our vows. It didn't matter that I was dying for my divorce, I didn't get nailed for doing anything wrong.
If someone wants something bad enough, you'd be surprised the lengths that they're willing to go to to prove that you are not what you say you are. If they can prove this, get ready for hell in court. If they can't, you're sitting pretty.
In the end, Keep your nose clean. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want the world or the judge to see. DUI's, Warrants for your arrest, are NOT good things. Get it all cleared up before you go to court. If you can't, and your ex can prove this, you're in trouble.
If nothing else be overly nice to the ex. Read the previous blog about how I started out overly nice. This actually looks pretty good in court. To this day I still try and nurture a positive relationship with my ex & the children. I refuse to verbalize visitations or anything else. It's all done via text so that way if it comes back nasty, I have it to keep.
My oldest daughter has an extra Facebook account for his side of the family. She has one for my side of the family as well. Anytime the children ask to call their dad, I do it, unless I know for a fact that he's busy. Then I won't. If I tell them we'll call later, we do. As my children get older, they'll know that mommy tried her damnest to include their dad in everything. It was HIS choice NOT to come.
If you remember nothing else about this blog.. just remember, Act like the judge is watching!
If you're having an affair, they'll be able to prove it. If you're part of the parental alienation clan, they'll prove it. If you're an alcoholic, they'll prove it. If you're drinking & driving they'll prove it. If you have a short temper, they'll prove it. If you're beating on your kids or spouse, they'll prove it.
Aside from having a PI there are other ways to prove what you need to. Text messages, Emails, videos of child exchanges if they're nasty, Facebook is always a wealth of information. They have all kinds of websites for you to write your opinions, thoughts, & statuses. Be aware that you're stupid ex, may already know about them all. Then again your ex might be with someone who's deep down desire is to be a PI.
All of this is admissible in court. It's almost as though those are handwritten documents. Time/Date stamps are a fabulous thing.
I used them in my divorce with my ex. Proving that he was trying to have an extra-marital affair, his little buddy hanging out online for the world to see, his ads on AFF etc. I got my divorce on grounds of mental cruelty. In other words he was being 'bad' in our marriage and he irretrievably broke our vows. It didn't matter that I was dying for my divorce, I didn't get nailed for doing anything wrong.
If someone wants something bad enough, you'd be surprised the lengths that they're willing to go to to prove that you are not what you say you are. If they can prove this, get ready for hell in court. If they can't, you're sitting pretty.
In the end, Keep your nose clean. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want the world or the judge to see. DUI's, Warrants for your arrest, are NOT good things. Get it all cleared up before you go to court. If you can't, and your ex can prove this, you're in trouble.
If nothing else be overly nice to the ex. Read the previous blog about how I started out overly nice. This actually looks pretty good in court. To this day I still try and nurture a positive relationship with my ex & the children. I refuse to verbalize visitations or anything else. It's all done via text so that way if it comes back nasty, I have it to keep.
My oldest daughter has an extra Facebook account for his side of the family. She has one for my side of the family as well. Anytime the children ask to call their dad, I do it, unless I know for a fact that he's busy. Then I won't. If I tell them we'll call later, we do. As my children get older, they'll know that mommy tried her damnest to include their dad in everything. It was HIS choice NOT to come.
If you remember nothing else about this blog.. just remember, Act like the judge is watching!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Jealousy
This is one that I don't often get. I'm not jealous of Cinderella, I'm not jealous of my honey's ex. I'm sure as hell not jealous of my ex's wife either. However, I've been accused of all. I think it's the single most hurtful & wasted emotion to be jealous of anything.
I feel as though it's my place to support Cinderella in all of her endeavors. It's my honey's too but this is about being a step-mom not a dad. When I was allowed on her facebook, if she had a good time, I would like it. If she was having a bad day, I'd give her words of encouragement. If she was here with us, hugs are free. I love yous go a long way. I've always told all of my children, if you need something, let me know. If I can get it for you or give it to you, I will. Completely true & honest statement. If you want to talk, I'm here. It stays between us unless I absolutely can't keep something a secret. Ex: If someone's going to get hurt, if it's something illegal etc., then I have to tell.
This past visit while Cinderella was here she said, "I think I deserve a hug." This blew me away. How dare a child think that she need to 'deserve' a hug to get one?!?! They're FREE! Why not give one to her anytime she wants one?!?! I do & did hug her a bunch.
I love yous flow like a fountain in this house. They always have. My honey & I say it often, my children & I say it often. When Cinderella is here she probably hears it no less than 20 times a day. I also make sure to tell her how thankful I am that she's my daughter too! The ritual of tucking the kids into bed consists of, "You're my favorite *insert age* ever!!" or "Did you know that you're my favorite *aged* kid?!!?" This generally brings lots of giggles & it's a feel good statement. The only time this doesn't really work is when Cinderella & my oldest are the same age. Then it's "Did you know you're my favorite *aged, hair color, eye colored* kid?!?! Even at their ages it makes them smile & laugh. That's what it's all about.
Moving on to Cinderella's mom of me being jealous of her. Not.Even.Remotely.Close.Sweetheart. I could go on and list probably 50 reasons why I'm not jealous but that would be a waste of time b/c it would be turned into "OMG SHE IS REALLY JEALOUS OF THAT!!!" Really. I'm not. So that's pretty much a moot point. Just know, that I'm not. I've never been. I'll never be. The day I ever do.. someone kill me.
From my ex husband's wife's angle, I'm jealous of her as well. In reality, I'm really glad that she came along!! I'm sorry that she's the way she is... BUT she took my main problem in life which was nice. It's nice not having to speak to, or really have anything to do with the ex, unless it has to do with the kids.
One thing that bios need to realize is this, just because we have your ex man, doesn't mean that we want your ex life or your current life for that matter. We want our own life. Apparently your ex life didn't work out for you so why would we want it? I can guarantee you that my ex husband's wife doesn't want the life that I had with him. Just as I don't want the life that my honey had with his ex. It didn't work. But obviously we're doing something right b/c it IS working for us now.
I feel as though it's my place to support Cinderella in all of her endeavors. It's my honey's too but this is about being a step-mom not a dad. When I was allowed on her facebook, if she had a good time, I would like it. If she was having a bad day, I'd give her words of encouragement. If she was here with us, hugs are free. I love yous go a long way. I've always told all of my children, if you need something, let me know. If I can get it for you or give it to you, I will. Completely true & honest statement. If you want to talk, I'm here. It stays between us unless I absolutely can't keep something a secret. Ex: If someone's going to get hurt, if it's something illegal etc., then I have to tell.
This past visit while Cinderella was here she said, "I think I deserve a hug." This blew me away. How dare a child think that she need to 'deserve' a hug to get one?!?! They're FREE! Why not give one to her anytime she wants one?!?! I do & did hug her a bunch.
I love yous flow like a fountain in this house. They always have. My honey & I say it often, my children & I say it often. When Cinderella is here she probably hears it no less than 20 times a day. I also make sure to tell her how thankful I am that she's my daughter too! The ritual of tucking the kids into bed consists of, "You're my favorite *insert age* ever!!" or "Did you know that you're my favorite *aged* kid?!!?" This generally brings lots of giggles & it's a feel good statement. The only time this doesn't really work is when Cinderella & my oldest are the same age. Then it's "Did you know you're my favorite *aged, hair color, eye colored* kid?!?! Even at their ages it makes them smile & laugh. That's what it's all about.
Moving on to Cinderella's mom of me being jealous of her. Not.Even.Remotely.Close.Sweetheart. I could go on and list probably 50 reasons why I'm not jealous but that would be a waste of time b/c it would be turned into "OMG SHE IS REALLY JEALOUS OF THAT!!!" Really. I'm not. So that's pretty much a moot point. Just know, that I'm not. I've never been. I'll never be. The day I ever do.. someone kill me.
From my ex husband's wife's angle, I'm jealous of her as well. In reality, I'm really glad that she came along!! I'm sorry that she's the way she is... BUT she took my main problem in life which was nice. It's nice not having to speak to, or really have anything to do with the ex, unless it has to do with the kids.
One thing that bios need to realize is this, just because we have your ex man, doesn't mean that we want your ex life or your current life for that matter. We want our own life. Apparently your ex life didn't work out for you so why would we want it? I can guarantee you that my ex husband's wife doesn't want the life that I had with him. Just as I don't want the life that my honey had with his ex. It didn't work. But obviously we're doing something right b/c it IS working for us now.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Being a 'Decent' Bio Mom
There is a very fine line to run if you want to be considered a 'decent' bio mom. Not a controlling, psychotic, delusional bitch.
Introduce yourself, being upfront and saying, "Hi, I'm so and so, it's nice to meet you." Shows that you are confident and not threatened by the new woman. Granted this might be hard if your now ex husband was cheating with this woman but still. It's important. At this point you need to put all of your nasty feelings aside and do it for the children.
For the first Mother's day, I actually DID get her a card & had the kids sign it. If she was going to be in their lives, as long as she was decent to them & didn't scream or yell at them, I was fine with her being in there.
I invited my ex husband & her both to my son's birthday party. They both came.. sans gifts for my son. This took a lot on my part because inside I really didn't want to share my son with my ex, not on his birthday. I did it for him. If the children could see that we can get along then it shows a more united front. Keep in mind that was the last birthday party they were invited to.
Pick & Choose your Battles.
I have had more than a few battles that were wisely chosen & ones that I let go.
The biggest battle I had ever had was when my at the time 5 year old daughter broke her wrist while at her dad's house. My ex's wife is a nurse. They didn't receive any medical attention for her, explaining that it was 'just sprained'. I couldn't get my daughter's coat on her because her wrist was so swollen. As soon as she was back in my arms she was taken to the ER where we found out that she had a hairline fracture in her wrist.
My next battle came almost a year later, when my oldest daughter (10 at the time), side of her face had swelled up. We had dealt with this even before we divorced so he knew it was imperative to get her to the ER so they could start pumping her full of steroids to try & combat her mystery swollen parotid gland. He did not. It took my honey & I 6 hours to get to her since we were out of town. By the time we had gotten to her, she was taken to the ER & pumped full of Steroids & now Tylenol since she had started running a fever as well. The doctor's to this day are stumped by this. She's seen many specialists & they have all said, stick with what works. Keep in mind his wife is a nurse.
The battles had become more frequent. Anytime my children's safety is involved I can get pretty nasty. The time he took them out of state without permission, my 2 youngest children still needed their car seats & he didn't have one. Matter of fact he only had 1 seat belt available. My oldest daughter had to sit on a bucket in his truck for the whole drive there. On the way back my son who needed to be in a booster was now on the bucket. By the grace of God or their guardian angels there was no accident.
When his wife would talk nasty about me, I let that go. My children know better. It hurt their feelings, but they knew that she was lying. It was ok. I just consoled them & loved on them.
When he called me to get the kids late at night because he & his wife couldn't get along. As the children got into the car, my 7 year old said, "Mom, *Ex Husband's Wife*, said, 'If your dad would've kept his dick in his pants we wouldn't be in this mess!', what's that mean?" I decided that was it. He would sign a paper stating that he wouldn't see the kids as long as she was around & that it was in the best interest of the children. He's seen them for 2 hours, in our town in the past 4 months. Any phone calls are ones that I make to him when the kids ask if they can call him. He never calls them, he will only return phone calls.
The last battle was when his wife texted me saying that she hoped dead was out of my ex husband's life enough. I texted my ex & notified him that he might come home to a 'messy house'. His response? "She better not do it inside, I'm supposed to be moving back in!" SMH.
Another step in being a decent Bio mom is not to talk nasty about the new woman. No matter how skanky, slutty, crappy, trashy, Jerry Springery she looks. Don't do it. You will quickly turn yourself into the bad one. Be consistent in your love for your child. Be civil, even when you'd really just love to punch them in the face. The best way to do this is smile BIG, in the back of your mind repeat BITCH as loud as you can, just don't verbalize it. Also make sure that if she asks you a question, you're not so into the back of your mind, that you reply with BITCH, it could turn things nasty really quickly.
If there are special occasions or milestones that you prefer to do, let the ex husband know. Let him deal with her if it's something she wants to do. For instance, I refuse to let my girls color their hair until they go through puberty & really don't think they should do it then. It's expensive & there's a lot of upkeep involved. Piercings have to be approved through me. If one of my children come home with a new piercing we'll have serious problems. Same with Tattoo's.
Do not turn it into a battle when your ex husband does something fun and your child isn't involved. They have their lives to live just like you do. Getting permission to go to 6 flags without your child is obnoxious. There will be times where your child may or may not see pictures of the fun stuff that your ex & his new family have done. This is the time to remind your child of the fun things that s/he gets to do when s/he is with you.
More importantly, if you KNOW that your ex has special plans to go somewhere, do something, go on vacation, weddings etc, do NOT try and take that experience away from your child. With us, Cinderella will be there when we get married. Problem is, she won't know ahead of time at all because her mom will for surely mess it up. We found this out when we tried to plan Cinderella's joint birthday party with my children.
Do not discuss ANYTHING with the ex husband's new wife concerning discipline, problems with the kids, attitudes, or any other things that could piss her off. For example, "Peter, pulled my kid's hair and ripped a handful out." The bio mom's response, "Well what did Peter do to Pauline to make him do it? My child is perfect, yours is just a heathen!" It'll get you nowhere. Let the ex husband deal with it.
If your child calls upset about something, don't throw your emotional self in to it. Try to get as many details as possible, then talk to your ex husband and find out what is going on. Chances are, little Molly didn't get her piece of candy but is going to blow it up to you like she was beaten 10 ways to Sunday. Encourage her to settle her differences and move on. Chances are in an hour she'll be fine.
Don't be surprised if you get the teary, "I wanna come home" phone call too. Encourage your child to stay where they're at unless there's immediate danger (obviously). Talk about the fun stuff that they've done there. If they haven't done anything fun, then have them sit down and write you a letter, or write a letter to someone else they miss as well. Nobody said divorce & child custody was easy. It's not easy on you & it's not easy on them either. However, through encouraging them to stay will help set up a bit of a schedule and they'll get used to the idea of, "Ok if I call mom flipping out, she's not going to bail me out, so is it really worth calling for?"
As a bio mom, it's hard to stand by and know that another woman is taking care of OUR flesh and blood! Afterall we went through 9 months and excruciating hell to pop out these amazing children!! How DARE someone even THINK about talking to them or even try to mentor them! Hey Bio mom--That's borderline fucked up. Repeatedly asking if your child misses you, repeated texts that you start, repeated facebook postings about how you miss them etc, will only make your child feel guilty. Generally the ex & the new woman will never see these.
Think of it this way, you know your children. She does not. This is a new experience for her, there will be bumps in the road. Just like life, it's not the bumps in the road that define you, it's the way that you handle them. Give a little slack in the beginning. Respect her, even if it kills you. Try and support a relationship with her and your children. If she wants to pick them up after school & take them for ice cream, unless you have good reason not to (suspended license, drinking & driving, massive amounts of accidents etc) let her. As your children get older, they will thank you.
Keep in mind, all of this goes out the window the minute there is major disrespect & she starts berating you in front of your children. Children and sponges & they soak all that in, even if they know it's not true, she's hurting the relationship between her and your children.
Introduce yourself, being upfront and saying, "Hi, I'm so and so, it's nice to meet you." Shows that you are confident and not threatened by the new woman. Granted this might be hard if your now ex husband was cheating with this woman but still. It's important. At this point you need to put all of your nasty feelings aside and do it for the children.
For the first Mother's day, I actually DID get her a card & had the kids sign it. If she was going to be in their lives, as long as she was decent to them & didn't scream or yell at them, I was fine with her being in there.
I invited my ex husband & her both to my son's birthday party. They both came.. sans gifts for my son. This took a lot on my part because inside I really didn't want to share my son with my ex, not on his birthday. I did it for him. If the children could see that we can get along then it shows a more united front. Keep in mind that was the last birthday party they were invited to.
Pick & Choose your Battles.
I have had more than a few battles that were wisely chosen & ones that I let go.
The biggest battle I had ever had was when my at the time 5 year old daughter broke her wrist while at her dad's house. My ex's wife is a nurse. They didn't receive any medical attention for her, explaining that it was 'just sprained'. I couldn't get my daughter's coat on her because her wrist was so swollen. As soon as she was back in my arms she was taken to the ER where we found out that she had a hairline fracture in her wrist.
My next battle came almost a year later, when my oldest daughter (10 at the time), side of her face had swelled up. We had dealt with this even before we divorced so he knew it was imperative to get her to the ER so they could start pumping her full of steroids to try & combat her mystery swollen parotid gland. He did not. It took my honey & I 6 hours to get to her since we were out of town. By the time we had gotten to her, she was taken to the ER & pumped full of Steroids & now Tylenol since she had started running a fever as well. The doctor's to this day are stumped by this. She's seen many specialists & they have all said, stick with what works. Keep in mind his wife is a nurse.
The battles had become more frequent. Anytime my children's safety is involved I can get pretty nasty. The time he took them out of state without permission, my 2 youngest children still needed their car seats & he didn't have one. Matter of fact he only had 1 seat belt available. My oldest daughter had to sit on a bucket in his truck for the whole drive there. On the way back my son who needed to be in a booster was now on the bucket. By the grace of God or their guardian angels there was no accident.
When his wife would talk nasty about me, I let that go. My children know better. It hurt their feelings, but they knew that she was lying. It was ok. I just consoled them & loved on them.
When he called me to get the kids late at night because he & his wife couldn't get along. As the children got into the car, my 7 year old said, "Mom, *Ex Husband's Wife*, said, 'If your dad would've kept his dick in his pants we wouldn't be in this mess!', what's that mean?" I decided that was it. He would sign a paper stating that he wouldn't see the kids as long as she was around & that it was in the best interest of the children. He's seen them for 2 hours, in our town in the past 4 months. Any phone calls are ones that I make to him when the kids ask if they can call him. He never calls them, he will only return phone calls.
The last battle was when his wife texted me saying that she hoped dead was out of my ex husband's life enough. I texted my ex & notified him that he might come home to a 'messy house'. His response? "She better not do it inside, I'm supposed to be moving back in!" SMH.
Another step in being a decent Bio mom is not to talk nasty about the new woman. No matter how skanky, slutty, crappy, trashy, Jerry Springery she looks. Don't do it. You will quickly turn yourself into the bad one. Be consistent in your love for your child. Be civil, even when you'd really just love to punch them in the face. The best way to do this is smile BIG, in the back of your mind repeat BITCH as loud as you can, just don't verbalize it. Also make sure that if she asks you a question, you're not so into the back of your mind, that you reply with BITCH, it could turn things nasty really quickly.
If there are special occasions or milestones that you prefer to do, let the ex husband know. Let him deal with her if it's something she wants to do. For instance, I refuse to let my girls color their hair until they go through puberty & really don't think they should do it then. It's expensive & there's a lot of upkeep involved. Piercings have to be approved through me. If one of my children come home with a new piercing we'll have serious problems. Same with Tattoo's.
Do not turn it into a battle when your ex husband does something fun and your child isn't involved. They have their lives to live just like you do. Getting permission to go to 6 flags without your child is obnoxious. There will be times where your child may or may not see pictures of the fun stuff that your ex & his new family have done. This is the time to remind your child of the fun things that s/he gets to do when s/he is with you.
More importantly, if you KNOW that your ex has special plans to go somewhere, do something, go on vacation, weddings etc, do NOT try and take that experience away from your child. With us, Cinderella will be there when we get married. Problem is, she won't know ahead of time at all because her mom will for surely mess it up. We found this out when we tried to plan Cinderella's joint birthday party with my children.
Do not discuss ANYTHING with the ex husband's new wife concerning discipline, problems with the kids, attitudes, or any other things that could piss her off. For example, "Peter, pulled my kid's hair and ripped a handful out." The bio mom's response, "Well what did Peter do to Pauline to make him do it? My child is perfect, yours is just a heathen!" It'll get you nowhere. Let the ex husband deal with it.
If your child calls upset about something, don't throw your emotional self in to it. Try to get as many details as possible, then talk to your ex husband and find out what is going on. Chances are, little Molly didn't get her piece of candy but is going to blow it up to you like she was beaten 10 ways to Sunday. Encourage her to settle her differences and move on. Chances are in an hour she'll be fine.
Don't be surprised if you get the teary, "I wanna come home" phone call too. Encourage your child to stay where they're at unless there's immediate danger (obviously). Talk about the fun stuff that they've done there. If they haven't done anything fun, then have them sit down and write you a letter, or write a letter to someone else they miss as well. Nobody said divorce & child custody was easy. It's not easy on you & it's not easy on them either. However, through encouraging them to stay will help set up a bit of a schedule and they'll get used to the idea of, "Ok if I call mom flipping out, she's not going to bail me out, so is it really worth calling for?"
As a bio mom, it's hard to stand by and know that another woman is taking care of OUR flesh and blood! Afterall we went through 9 months and excruciating hell to pop out these amazing children!! How DARE someone even THINK about talking to them or even try to mentor them! Hey Bio mom--That's borderline fucked up. Repeatedly asking if your child misses you, repeated texts that you start, repeated facebook postings about how you miss them etc, will only make your child feel guilty. Generally the ex & the new woman will never see these.
Think of it this way, you know your children. She does not. This is a new experience for her, there will be bumps in the road. Just like life, it's not the bumps in the road that define you, it's the way that you handle them. Give a little slack in the beginning. Respect her, even if it kills you. Try and support a relationship with her and your children. If she wants to pick them up after school & take them for ice cream, unless you have good reason not to (suspended license, drinking & driving, massive amounts of accidents etc) let her. As your children get older, they will thank you.
Keep in mind, all of this goes out the window the minute there is major disrespect & she starts berating you in front of your children. Children and sponges & they soak all that in, even if they know it's not true, she's hurting the relationship between her and your children.
Rule #4, Cutting Contact Completely
AKA Parental Alienation. Huge no-no. It's becoming more and more recognized in court. Especially when there's a bond between the parent that's being cut off & the child.
For more information go HERE or HERE. (Right click to open those in a new window or else it'll take you from this page.)
We clearly have plenty of evidence of parental alienation. Cinderella's mom has blocked us from all contact with her including but not limited to, the phone, email, blocking us from her facebook, sending nasty messages to my honey's facebook under her daughter's account & publishing it on his wall (before she blocked us), she has threatened numerous times with, "You'll NEVER see her again!", Cinderella's mom talks terribly about us to her daughter. While she's with us Cinderella gets MANY texts asking her to come home, if she misses her mom, how everyone there misses her, how she needs to come home, she's needed there, she's not needed here, THEY are her family, we are not. Etc.
Don't even get me started with the step father in that relationship. He's actually worse than the mom sometimes. Demanding that we bring Cinderella home early from visits with us, bringing up my honey's past, saying that he has drug charges & has been arrested numerous times for possession & DUI. (He doesn't have ANY of those. If you know me, you know him, look it up. It's public information.) However Step dad was & has been charged with DUI a couple of times that I know of.
When Cinderella left this last time, she was extremely nervous & upset. She didn't want to go home. I promised her that it would be rough for a while but that eventually everything would be ok and she WOULD see us again. It seemed to calm her a little bit. I looked at her & said, "Princess, daddy & I won't let you go again. I promise you. We won't stop until we get to see you." She gave me a huge hug & got out of the car. I cried for a while afterwards. For the pain that I'm sure she's going through.
My problem with all of this is, my mom is dying. I've said before that she has two, stage IV Lung cancers (Squamous Cell & Adenocarcinoma), Cinderella & I have talked about grandma dying & I've point blank asked her if she wants to be at the funeral. (It's my need to have a 'plan' for everything no matter how gruesome) She wants to be at grandma's funeral if she passes. As of right now, how are we to contact her? Her mom wouldn't let her come anyhow. Exactly how is this benefiting Cinderella? It's not. It's not because it doesn't fit her mom's agenda. At this point I'm not even sure she would let Cinderella come to her own dad's funeral.
Obviously I know, as Cinderella gets older, she'll remember a few things. Dad & *My name* never talked poorly about my mom, they never talked poorly about anything around me, if they fought, I didn't see it. I was able to be a kid at their house. I don't have to babysit non stop unpaid!, I don't have to worry about dad & *my name* drinking. (Sure her dad might have a beer once and a great while, but he won't do it in front of the kids. He doesn't even do it in front of my children!!)
Most importantly, I hope that Cinderella realizes that through all of this bs that her mom is putting us through, we don't blame her for it AT ALL! She is without a doubt the most loved little girl ever. Granted she's not little but still.
In the end what separates us from them is that when we do things, we do them for the best interest of the children. All 4 of them.
For more information go HERE or HERE. (Right click to open those in a new window or else it'll take you from this page.)
We clearly have plenty of evidence of parental alienation. Cinderella's mom has blocked us from all contact with her including but not limited to, the phone, email, blocking us from her facebook, sending nasty messages to my honey's facebook under her daughter's account & publishing it on his wall (before she blocked us), she has threatened numerous times with, "You'll NEVER see her again!", Cinderella's mom talks terribly about us to her daughter. While she's with us Cinderella gets MANY texts asking her to come home, if she misses her mom, how everyone there misses her, how she needs to come home, she's needed there, she's not needed here, THEY are her family, we are not. Etc.
Don't even get me started with the step father in that relationship. He's actually worse than the mom sometimes. Demanding that we bring Cinderella home early from visits with us, bringing up my honey's past, saying that he has drug charges & has been arrested numerous times for possession & DUI. (He doesn't have ANY of those. If you know me, you know him, look it up. It's public information.) However Step dad was & has been charged with DUI a couple of times that I know of.
When Cinderella left this last time, she was extremely nervous & upset. She didn't want to go home. I promised her that it would be rough for a while but that eventually everything would be ok and she WOULD see us again. It seemed to calm her a little bit. I looked at her & said, "Princess, daddy & I won't let you go again. I promise you. We won't stop until we get to see you." She gave me a huge hug & got out of the car. I cried for a while afterwards. For the pain that I'm sure she's going through.
My problem with all of this is, my mom is dying. I've said before that she has two, stage IV Lung cancers (Squamous Cell & Adenocarcinoma), Cinderella & I have talked about grandma dying & I've point blank asked her if she wants to be at the funeral. (It's my need to have a 'plan' for everything no matter how gruesome) She wants to be at grandma's funeral if she passes. As of right now, how are we to contact her? Her mom wouldn't let her come anyhow. Exactly how is this benefiting Cinderella? It's not. It's not because it doesn't fit her mom's agenda. At this point I'm not even sure she would let Cinderella come to her own dad's funeral.
Obviously I know, as Cinderella gets older, she'll remember a few things. Dad & *My name* never talked poorly about my mom, they never talked poorly about anything around me, if they fought, I didn't see it. I was able to be a kid at their house. I don't have to babysit non stop unpaid!, I don't have to worry about dad & *my name* drinking. (Sure her dad might have a beer once and a great while, but he won't do it in front of the kids. He doesn't even do it in front of my children!!)
Most importantly, I hope that Cinderella realizes that through all of this bs that her mom is putting us through, we don't blame her for it AT ALL! She is without a doubt the most loved little girl ever. Granted she's not little but still.
In the end what separates us from them is that when we do things, we do them for the best interest of the children. All 4 of them.
Rule #3 Changing Names
This one is sticky. As I've said before my honey wasn't around for 7 years or so consistently. His ex had told everyone, including my honey's mom that, she put a notice in the paper & changed Cinderella's last name & that her husband had adopted Cinderella. She was being 'nice' by allowing my honey & his folks to still see Cinderella.
This is actually a legal way to go about doing this & kind of forcing an adoption. You have to prove that the father/mother hasn't been in the child's life for over a year & has had no contact, then you can publish in a paper where you *think* the other bio parent might be living & if there's no response then you can change the child's name.
The other way you can do this is, put NO male name on the birth certificate, receive NO child support, then, once you get married have your honey sign a piece of paper saying, "Yes I realize that even if it comes back 10 years from now that this child is not mine, I'm still taking full responsibility for this child." That's what my ex & I did with my oldest. I had her when I was 19, after I left an abusive relationship. Her bio had NOTHING to do with her & hadn't seen or talked to her in almost 3 years. Her 'adoption' & name change was finalized when she was almost 3. She's has my ex husband & I's last name ever since.
The only way that we ever found out that Cinderella's mom lied to us about this was when we got notice that we were being sued for 10 years of back child support. Yes. 10. Full. Years. Of . Back. Support. even though we had tried to give her money previously & she denied it saying, "I don't want your money." Luckily we had a good attorney. There was NO back support ordered because she had never tried to get child support in the first place.
This brings us to our current situation. Cinderella's birth certificate has my honey's last name, yet she's enrolled in school under Cinderella's step dad's name. How exactly is this possible? Does their state not require a birth certificate? Her health insurance is under Cinderella's step dad's name. How is that possible? Sounds like insurance fraud to me. That nets jail time & hefty fines, not to mention having to pay back all the insurance stuffs too!
If you are going to change your child's name, do it for the right reason. Make sure that you think it completely out. Don't just decide, "Well I'm going to call my child Cinderella Smith, have all of her records done under Cinderella Smith, get insurance for her under that name, and have everyone know her by that last name." It's not going to bode well when bio daddy comes back & says, "HEY! My name is on the birth certificate, I pay you child support, AND I see her all the time!" Think about what you do before you do it. It's not just you, it's your children as well.
I can only imagine the real reason why his ex wanted to change Cinderella's last name is because if she didn't, all of her kids would have different last names b/c they're all from different men.
I digress.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Rule #2, Get Along
On most websites & such you will see that it says that you HAVE to get along with your step child's other parent. Had this been a year ago, I would've said, "NO PROBLEM! I have a GREAT relationship with her!!"
Today, on this date, the woman wishes death upon me & has for the past 9 months. I'll get to that later in the blog.
I have decided to start calling my step daughter (cringe!) Cinderella. Why? She'll forever be a princess in my eyes & well.. since I'm being portrayed as the wicked step mother I figure this should work quite well. Plus, it helps keep her anonymity.
Here's the true, unedited, way it may or may not go down.
1. You will be put in an imaginary competition. Generally the only person who's competing is Cinderella's mom. You will be labelled the evil, nasty, new step mom. You will be berated to no end in front of Cinderella. This of course is if you don't end up with a cool bio mom like me.
IRL Situation--"She gets to be the FUN one & I don't!" Cinderella had an appointment an hour or so away from where they live & all Cinderella wanted to do was go window shopping with her mom. Her mom refused to take her. I took her shopping the next time she was here & she held on to the last $10.00 she had before she asked me, "If I spend all my money, can we still just look?" I hugged her & said, "Of course!! I LOVE spending time with you!"
2. Cinderella could be chastised & actually get into trouble for having a good time with you.
IRL Situation-- Cinderella gets questioned repeatedly about what she does while she's here, her mom tries to 'mom' her from far away. Cinderella had me listed as 'mom' along with her mom & her mom got pissed because we had gone shopping (see IRL situation #1) so she went in & took me off. This broke Cinderella's heart.
3. Along with the imaginary competition you will also become extremely jealous about EVERYTHING that the bio mom doesn't have. You will also have a 'sorry life', or 'no life' at all. Again, this will only be told to people that she/they know, because anyone who has 1/2 a brain will know that you really aren't jealous of anything.
IRL Situation--Posted on her facebook how I was jealous of her & how I needed to get a life.
4. You will have malicious lies told about you, occasionally they will have to do with YOUR children.
IRL Situation--How I kept my cool about this one, I'll never know. My bio daughter is staying with my folks because my mom has 2 different types of stage IV Lung Cancer. My mom & my daughter are EXTREMELY close. They have always been close. My folks want her at their house & she wants to be there. She's been in counseling for over a year discussing the what ifs & what might happen when Grammy & Papa die. This is where she wants to be. I've caught a ton of shit for this however when Cinderella's mom told my honey on the phone, "What the fuck, *my name*, can't take care of her own fucking kid, *my bio kids' name* is living with her fucking grandmother!". I just shook my head. Cinderella's mom KNOWS the truth however anything to make me look like shit so that she looks better, she's not below doing.
5. You will be expected to be everything that the bio mom isn't.
IRL Situation--I already am, this is why she has to say nasty crap about me in the first place.
6. Yes, just kneel and admit it that you have her 'sloppy seconds'. I prefer calling it "saving the best for last.'
IRL Situation-- Yes, I know.
7. Bio will possibly try and reminisce about your honey's past with him. Remember when we did this? Remember how this felt? This used to be so awesome with us? etc.
IRL Situation-- A private group was set up by Cinderella's mom just for her & my honey. This was shortly after I realized that she wanted something with him. Yes it's screen shotted. If she had nothing to hide than WHY was it private?
8. You could possibly be the target of Facebook/Twitter manipulation. Get a good screen shoot program and keep it all. If it gets nasty enough, it can & should go to court.
IRL Situation--Many, many, many times. I have a wonderful screen shot program & utilize it.
9. If you don't have a good attorney, get one.
IRL Situation-- When Cinderella's mom admitted in email that she didn't want any of my honey's money AFTER he offered to help pay for stuff, she sued him for 10 years of back support. This was of course after he refused to sleep with her & our whole relationship with her went to hell in a hand basket. Obviously her husband can't figure out what's really going on. Again, screen shotted.
10. Jealousy tends to rule a lot of the bio mom's imaginary problems.
IRL Situation--She was jealous because Cinderella CHOSE to spend her birthday with us. Yes, it's really in black & white AND screen shotted.
11. If you don't have a strong stomach & big shoulders, don't become a step mom.
IRL Situation--It's like driving a bus with NO steering wheel & no breaks.
12. You will be accused of trying to take over step child, that YOU want to be THEIR mom. Even if you have your own children & can have more.
IRL Situation-- I'm accused of this all the time. One time this past summer my son was driving me INSANE! I looked at him & said, "My name is NO LONGER MOMMY! It's JOSE!". Cinderella looked at me without skipping a beat & said, "Mama Jose!!" I laughed. She posted it on her facebook & within 24 hours she received an email that said, "Love your one & only mom." Say what? It was a J O K E! Insecure much?
13. Most of all, the absolute best piece of advice anyone has ever given is this, "It's about the child."
IRL Situation--It is completely all about Cinderella. If it wasn't, trust me, I generally get rid of psychotic people in my life. It's just bad Juju.
14. Don't EVER fight or discuss Step child's other parents in front of them. Keep adult matters between the adults!!
IRL Situation--Cinderella's bio mom & step dad can't do this. It's impossible. I have many screen shots of all of the manipulative crap that they pull on her. Everything from tell your dad this, tell your dad to do that, tell *my name* to do this etc. So much so that Cinderella's bio mom posted UNDER Cinderella's account ON her dad's wall, what a shitty father he was etc. Then went on to say that any and all comments would be going to Cinderella's phone & that if anyone had any comments to talk to HER, then she promptly deleted her facebook account. RIDICULOUS!
15. At the end of the day, this is what you are left with being a Step-mom-- You will bond with this child, you will wish nothing but the best for this child, even the best step mom, with the greatest intentions, has no say in what happens to this child. If my honey were to die tomorrow, I would have ZERO rights to see her or have anything to do with her. As heart breaking as that would be for me, it's worth it. I love my daughter just as my own. I stress about her, I worry about her, I think about her & I miss her.
IRL situation--This is how it is.. day in & day out.
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I have seen other website postings about the bio talking about rules & discipline that the child receives while at the dad's house. This has not been a problem with us. I swear, my daughter is amazing. That doesn't mean that I've never had to get on to her or tell her to keep her hands to herself. She never defies us when she DOES get in trouble. This last visit she had her laptop taken away for 1 night. Literally less than 12 hours because she set it down wrong after she'd been repeatedly told how to properly set it down so that it doesn't overheat & fry the insides.
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Rule #1, The Steps.
Don't EVER EVER EVER EVER, mention steps in MY home. It's never tolerated and won't be.
I was raised with two, 1/2 brothers, never ONCE were we considered steps or 1/2's. We were brothers & sisters. Plain and simple. My brother died at 22 from Good Pasture Syndrome. My other brother is probably one of my biggest confidants. I love him to death. We've had our ups and downs, we've gone years and not spoken, never had an ill wish against one another ever. He is my brother & the truest sibling that I've ever had.
If someone were to look at me & say, "But he's your 1/2 brother!!" I would be locked in jail for high fiving them in the face. No, he's my brother. Plain and simple.
Moving on to the actual 'step' thing. My 3 children consider their 'step' sister their sister. Actually my oldest considers her her best friend. They miss her dearly when she's not here. They love her just as though she's always been here. When we're out in public it's my sister this & my sister that. When they talk about her in school it's "My sister that lives in xyz." Never once has it been My mom's honey's daughter. EVER.
All of this being said, they have never taken to their dad's wife's kids. Probably because they're older and were doing their own thing. I was 29 when I divorced my ex & he promptly hopped into bed with a grandma. No shit. LOL!
The Biggest Rule in this house is there are NO steps. We don't view steps, we don't acknowledge steps & we never will. To make it easier for people to understand, we'll say, "We have 3 daughters & 1 son. Our one daughter lives with her mother." We leave it at that. If they can't figure that out then I really question their intellect.
Always remember NO STEPS!
I was raised with two, 1/2 brothers, never ONCE were we considered steps or 1/2's. We were brothers & sisters. Plain and simple. My brother died at 22 from Good Pasture Syndrome. My other brother is probably one of my biggest confidants. I love him to death. We've had our ups and downs, we've gone years and not spoken, never had an ill wish against one another ever. He is my brother & the truest sibling that I've ever had.
If someone were to look at me & say, "But he's your 1/2 brother!!" I would be locked in jail for high fiving them in the face. No, he's my brother. Plain and simple.
Moving on to the actual 'step' thing. My 3 children consider their 'step' sister their sister. Actually my oldest considers her her best friend. They miss her dearly when she's not here. They love her just as though she's always been here. When we're out in public it's my sister this & my sister that. When they talk about her in school it's "My sister that lives in xyz." Never once has it been My mom's honey's daughter. EVER.
All of this being said, they have never taken to their dad's wife's kids. Probably because they're older and were doing their own thing. I was 29 when I divorced my ex & he promptly hopped into bed with a grandma. No shit. LOL!
The Biggest Rule in this house is there are NO steps. We don't view steps, we don't acknowledge steps & we never will. To make it easier for people to understand, we'll say, "We have 3 daughters & 1 son. Our one daughter lives with her mother." We leave it at that. If they can't figure that out then I really question their intellect.
Always remember NO STEPS!
The OTHER Back Story
My Ex. It's imperative to know that my children have a step mom as well. I'm on both sides so I see it all. I left my ex 12/7/2007. The day before his birthday. That was more coincidence than anything aside from the fact that he told one of my friends (whom he thought he was going to get to sleep with, turns out she's a lesbian, which I knew all along) that all he wanted for his birthday was for me & the kids to be out of the house. So Happy Birthday, you got your wish even before you blew your candles out.
3 weeks later a friend of mine's son overheard one of my ex's friends tell him, "Go get your willy wet." I stayed calm, sort of, that was his weekend to have my kids. I called Saturday morning & of course my children told me ALLLLLL about it. I stayed calm, as long as she was good to my kids I was fine with it & looked at it as though he was her problem!! The only time I waivered on this was when he threatened to file for full custody of my children. Uhm, No. I had been a stay at home mom for the whole 7+ years that we were married. I was there for EVERYTHING for my children. YOU will not take them. With my parent's support (financially & emotionally) I filed for divorce first. I sued him for full, sole, complete custody of my children and for child support and alimony.
My son's birthday is in March. I was NICE and invited him & his new thing. I provided presents for my son that said they were from ex & his thing. I paid for them to get into the party place. I was very nice, open & supportive of this new relationship with the new woman. After all I am mom, for me, that's not a title, it's a word that you have to put action behind.
Things went well for a while. The divorce wasn't too bad & not exactly nasty either. I was actually thankful for this new woman because she took his want for me away. It made him not want to fight anything in the divorce. All he wanted was out, same as I. 7/29/2008 My divorce was finalized. I was thrilled. I could finally close that chapter in my life & I did.
Today in 2011 I do not get along with my ex husbands wife, my children's stepmother. She has berated me as a mom, told my children within earshot of them how much she HATES them, threatened to commit suicide, and last but not least told my 7 year old daughter, "If your dad would've kept his dick in his pants we wouldn't be fighting." The last overnight visit he had with my children was 4/29/2011 when I picked them up at 10pm because he feared for their safety. So much so that he signed a paper saying that it was in the best interest of the children NOT to have anything to do with their stepmother. Then 2 weeks later he faxed another copy of that, typed, to my attorney.
Since 4/29/2011 he has seen my children a total of 2 hours, without his wife. They are still NOT divorced.
3 weeks later a friend of mine's son overheard one of my ex's friends tell him, "Go get your willy wet." I stayed calm, sort of, that was his weekend to have my kids. I called Saturday morning & of course my children told me ALLLLLL about it. I stayed calm, as long as she was good to my kids I was fine with it & looked at it as though he was her problem!! The only time I waivered on this was when he threatened to file for full custody of my children. Uhm, No. I had been a stay at home mom for the whole 7+ years that we were married. I was there for EVERYTHING for my children. YOU will not take them. With my parent's support (financially & emotionally) I filed for divorce first. I sued him for full, sole, complete custody of my children and for child support and alimony.
My son's birthday is in March. I was NICE and invited him & his new thing. I provided presents for my son that said they were from ex & his thing. I paid for them to get into the party place. I was very nice, open & supportive of this new relationship with the new woman. After all I am mom, for me, that's not a title, it's a word that you have to put action behind.
Things went well for a while. The divorce wasn't too bad & not exactly nasty either. I was actually thankful for this new woman because she took his want for me away. It made him not want to fight anything in the divorce. All he wanted was out, same as I. 7/29/2008 My divorce was finalized. I was thrilled. I could finally close that chapter in my life & I did.
Today in 2011 I do not get along with my ex husbands wife, my children's stepmother. She has berated me as a mom, told my children within earshot of them how much she HATES them, threatened to commit suicide, and last but not least told my 7 year old daughter, "If your dad would've kept his dick in his pants we wouldn't be fighting." The last overnight visit he had with my children was 4/29/2011 when I picked them up at 10pm because he feared for their safety. So much so that he signed a paper saying that it was in the best interest of the children NOT to have anything to do with their stepmother. Then 2 weeks later he faxed another copy of that, typed, to my attorney.
Since 4/29/2011 he has seen my children a total of 2 hours, without his wife. They are still NOT divorced.
May 24th, 2008
And so it starts....
My honey & I are together. That's our anniversary after all. I have 3 kids, he has 1. I've known about her for 2 years since we were best friends before we actually got together. He struggled to have a relationship with her as he was battling his own demons & just trying to survive.
My love & I met in a chat room in 2006. We were only friends as I was still married. We never ever crossed the proverbial line. Ever. I left my ex 12/7/2007. We didn't actually meet in person until 3/2008. I was with someone else & so was he. The sparks were unimaginably hot. We never mentioned this to each other or anyone else.. My current relationship failed, his did as well.
5/23/2008 He invited me up to his house & I said, "That's fine but just as friends!" he agreed.
5/24/2008 He greeted me in a towel. Literally. The man had just gotten out of the shower. I looked at him & rolled my eyes & said, "Go get dressed." He did. Later that day, he gave me a foot rub.. he says it was less than 4 hours I say it was a 4 hour foot rub. Then he kissed me. I reminded him that that single action changed EVERYTHING. He said, "I know." I love yous were exchanged and there it was. We were officially together.
I met his folks about a month later or so. They adored me, I adored him. Life was amazing. He was getting along well with my folks & my kids so why not.. everything was awesome.
The long conversation came up about his daughter. I said, "Once things are stable with us & we make sure that we're going to last, then it's probably time to get back into her life." There were questions from him, him thinking that she might be better off since it'd been so long. He'd seen her here & there but nothing consistent. This all changed a year later. 9/2009 His daughter found him on facebook & added him. He almost didn't accept her friend request because he was scared. He wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want her to hate him but also didn't want to interfere.
He accepted and they talked. She didn't hate him, she missed him terribly & via her own mother's words, "She talked about him every day, I don't understand their bond, he's crapped out on her many times & she still loves & adores him." We had her for a weekend & we went to the pumpkin patch & bought pumpkins. She got along wonderfully with my children. It was as though she hadn't ever been out of our lives. She & I formed an instant bond as well. She is & always will be an amazing child, who is now, stuck in the middle.
For the first year things were awesome. I actually considered her mom a pretty good friend. We spent Christmas 2009 night at their house. Yes, we actually spent the night there. My kids, my honey, their family & I. It was a good time. Her mom & I spent hours in the basement talking. The one fair warning that I give to everyone is, "I'm as nice as I can be, you mess with my family & I become atrociously mean." Ok, really it was, "Fuck with my family and I will fuck with you." Apparently that wasn't believable though.
She will soon find out how that really is.
My honey & I are together. That's our anniversary after all. I have 3 kids, he has 1. I've known about her for 2 years since we were best friends before we actually got together. He struggled to have a relationship with her as he was battling his own demons & just trying to survive.
My love & I met in a chat room in 2006. We were only friends as I was still married. We never ever crossed the proverbial line. Ever. I left my ex 12/7/2007. We didn't actually meet in person until 3/2008. I was with someone else & so was he. The sparks were unimaginably hot. We never mentioned this to each other or anyone else.. My current relationship failed, his did as well.
5/23/2008 He invited me up to his house & I said, "That's fine but just as friends!" he agreed.
5/24/2008 He greeted me in a towel. Literally. The man had just gotten out of the shower. I looked at him & rolled my eyes & said, "Go get dressed." He did. Later that day, he gave me a foot rub.. he says it was less than 4 hours I say it was a 4 hour foot rub. Then he kissed me. I reminded him that that single action changed EVERYTHING. He said, "I know." I love yous were exchanged and there it was. We were officially together.
I met his folks about a month later or so. They adored me, I adored him. Life was amazing. He was getting along well with my folks & my kids so why not.. everything was awesome.
The long conversation came up about his daughter. I said, "Once things are stable with us & we make sure that we're going to last, then it's probably time to get back into her life." There were questions from him, him thinking that she might be better off since it'd been so long. He'd seen her here & there but nothing consistent. This all changed a year later. 9/2009 His daughter found him on facebook & added him. He almost didn't accept her friend request because he was scared. He wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want her to hate him but also didn't want to interfere.
He accepted and they talked. She didn't hate him, she missed him terribly & via her own mother's words, "She talked about him every day, I don't understand their bond, he's crapped out on her many times & she still loves & adores him." We had her for a weekend & we went to the pumpkin patch & bought pumpkins. She got along wonderfully with my children. It was as though she hadn't ever been out of our lives. She & I formed an instant bond as well. She is & always will be an amazing child, who is now, stuck in the middle.
For the first year things were awesome. I actually considered her mom a pretty good friend. We spent Christmas 2009 night at their house. Yes, we actually spent the night there. My kids, my honey, their family & I. It was a good time. Her mom & I spent hours in the basement talking. The one fair warning that I give to everyone is, "I'm as nice as I can be, you mess with my family & I become atrociously mean." Ok, really it was, "Fuck with my family and I will fuck with you." Apparently that wasn't believable though.
She will soon find out how that really is.
Intro to This Blog
I pretty much can't believe I actually have to write this but I do. It's the legalities of it all so I don't get sued for slander, libel etc.
These are MY personal views of being a step-mom. The good, the bad & the ugly of it all. What you can kind of expect if you get thrown into the loop of being a step mom. I've been a step mom for 11 years & I've dealt with my children having a step mom as well. Yeah, I have a bit of experience.
Some of the stories may be true, some may be fictional, some may look like they belong on the "Jerry Springer show." If it happens to follow your life, I assure you, I wasn't sitting outside your house taking notes, nor do I have your phones tapped. It's purely coincidental.
For the parts that are non-fiction, I have plenty of 'evidence' to keep my own ass out of hot water with the whole, "OMG She's slandering me." Bs. It's not slander if you can prove it.
I'm not posting this to mess up anyone's lives, if I have stuff to post & it messes up your life, I suppose you should've thought before you did it in the first place.
Everything on this blog is my material & my material alone. Anything that is shared needs to get approval through my communications department.. aka me. This blog will revolve around 4 kids and 4 adults respectively speaking.
Happy Reading.
These are MY personal views of being a step-mom. The good, the bad & the ugly of it all. What you can kind of expect if you get thrown into the loop of being a step mom. I've been a step mom for 11 years & I've dealt with my children having a step mom as well. Yeah, I have a bit of experience.
Some of the stories may be true, some may be fictional, some may look like they belong on the "Jerry Springer show." If it happens to follow your life, I assure you, I wasn't sitting outside your house taking notes, nor do I have your phones tapped. It's purely coincidental.
For the parts that are non-fiction, I have plenty of 'evidence' to keep my own ass out of hot water with the whole, "OMG She's slandering me." Bs. It's not slander if you can prove it.
I'm not posting this to mess up anyone's lives, if I have stuff to post & it messes up your life, I suppose you should've thought before you did it in the first place.
Everything on this blog is my material & my material alone. Anything that is shared needs to get approval through my communications department.. aka me. This blog will revolve around 4 kids and 4 adults respectively speaking.
Happy Reading.
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