Rule #4, Cutting Contact Completely

AKA Parental Alienation. Huge no-no. It's becoming more and more recognized in court. Especially when there's a bond between the parent that's being cut off & the child.

For more information go HERE or HERE. (Right click to open those in a new window or else it'll take you from this page.)

We clearly have plenty of evidence of parental alienation. Cinderella's mom has blocked us from all contact with her including but not limited to, the phone, email, blocking us from her facebook, sending nasty messages to my honey's facebook under her daughter's account & publishing it on his wall (before she blocked us), she has threatened numerous times with, "You'll NEVER see her again!", Cinderella's mom talks terribly about us to her daughter. While she's with us Cinderella gets MANY texts asking her to come home, if she misses her mom, how everyone there misses her, how she needs to come home, she's needed there, she's not needed here, THEY are her family, we are not. Etc.

Don't even get me started with the step father in that relationship. He's actually worse than the mom sometimes. Demanding that we bring Cinderella home early from visits with us, bringing up my honey's past, saying that he has drug charges & has been arrested numerous times for possession & DUI. (He doesn't have ANY of those. If you know me, you know him, look it up. It's public information.) However Step dad was & has been charged with DUI a couple of times that I know of.

When Cinderella left this last time, she was extremely nervous & upset. She didn't want to go home. I promised her that it would be rough for a while but that eventually everything would be ok and she WOULD see us again. It seemed to calm her a little bit. I looked at her & said, "Princess, daddy & I won't let you go again. I promise you. We won't stop until we get to see you." She gave me a huge hug & got out of the car. I cried for a while afterwards. For the pain that I'm sure she's going through.

My problem with all of this is, my mom is dying. I've said before that she has two, stage IV Lung cancers (Squamous Cell & Adenocarcinoma), Cinderella & I have talked about grandma dying & I've point blank asked her if she wants to be at the funeral. (It's my need to have a 'plan' for everything no matter how gruesome) She wants to be at grandma's funeral if she passes. As of right now, how are we to contact her? Her mom wouldn't let her come anyhow. Exactly how is this benefiting Cinderella? It's not. It's not because it doesn't fit her mom's agenda. At this point I'm not even sure she would let Cinderella come to her own dad's funeral.

Obviously I know, as Cinderella gets older, she'll remember a few things. Dad & *My name*  never talked poorly about my mom, they never talked poorly about anything around me, if they fought, I didn't see it. I was able to be a kid at their house. I don't have to babysit non stop unpaid!, I don't have to worry about dad & *my name* drinking. (Sure her dad might have a beer once and a great while, but he won't do it in front of the kids. He doesn't even do it in front of my children!!)

Most importantly, I hope that Cinderella realizes that through all of this bs that her mom is putting us through, we don't blame her for it AT ALL! She is without a doubt the most loved little girl ever. Granted she's not little but still.

In the end what separates us from them is that when we do things, we do them for the best interest of the children. All 4 of them.

Rule #3 Changing Names

This one is sticky. As I've said before my honey wasn't around for 7 years or so consistently. His ex had told everyone, including my honey's mom that, she put a notice in the paper & changed Cinderella's last name & that her husband had adopted Cinderella. She was being 'nice' by allowing my honey & his folks to still see Cinderella.

This is actually a legal way to go about doing this & kind of forcing an adoption. You have to prove that the father/mother hasn't been in the child's life for over a year & has had no contact, then you can publish in a paper where you *think* the other bio parent might be living & if there's no response then you can change the child's name. 

The other way you can do this is, put NO male name on the birth certificate, receive NO child support, then, once you get married have your honey sign a piece of paper saying, "Yes I realize that even if it comes back 10 years from now that this child is not mine, I'm still taking full responsibility for this child." That's what my ex & I did with my oldest. I had her when I was 19, after I left an abusive relationship. Her bio had NOTHING to do with her & hadn't seen or talked to her in almost 3 years. Her 'adoption' & name change was finalized when she was almost 3. She's has my ex husband & I's last name ever since. 

The only way that we ever found out that Cinderella's mom lied to us about this was when we got notice that we were being sued for 10 years of back child support. Yes. 10. Full. Years. Of . Back. Support. even though we had tried to give her money previously & she denied it saying, "I don't want your money." Luckily we had a good attorney. There was NO back support ordered because she had never tried to get child support in the first place. 

This brings us to our current situation. Cinderella's birth certificate has my honey's last name, yet she's enrolled in school under Cinderella's step dad's name. How exactly is this possible? Does their state not require a birth certificate? Her health insurance is under Cinderella's step dad's name. How is that possible? Sounds like insurance fraud to me. That nets jail time & hefty fines, not to mention having to pay back all the insurance stuffs too! 

If you are going to change your child's name, do it for the right reason. Make sure that you think it completely out. Don't just decide, "Well I'm going to call my child Cinderella Smith, have all of her records done under Cinderella Smith, get insurance for her under that name, and have everyone know her by that last name." It's not going to bode well when bio daddy comes back & says, "HEY! My name is on the birth certificate, I pay you child support, AND I see her all the time!" Think about what you do before you do it. It's not just you, it's your children as well.

I can only imagine the real reason why his ex wanted to change Cinderella's last name is because if she didn't, all of her kids would have different last names b/c they're all from different men. 

I digress.