Today, on this date, the woman wishes death upon me & has for the past 9 months. I'll get to that later in the blog.
I have decided to start calling my step daughter (cringe!) Cinderella. Why? She'll forever be a princess in my eyes & well.. since I'm being portrayed as the wicked step mother I figure this should work quite well. Plus, it helps keep her anonymity.
Here's the true, unedited, way it may or may not go down.
1. You will be put in an imaginary competition. Generally the only person who's competing is Cinderella's mom. You will be labelled the evil, nasty, new step mom. You will be berated to no end in front of Cinderella. This of course is if you don't end up with a cool bio mom like me.
IRL Situation--"She gets to be the FUN one & I don't!" Cinderella had an appointment an hour or so away from where they live & all Cinderella wanted to do was go window shopping with her mom. Her mom refused to take her. I took her shopping the next time she was here & she held on to the last $10.00 she had before she asked me, "If I spend all my money, can we still just look?" I hugged her & said, "Of course!! I LOVE spending time with you!"
2. Cinderella could be chastised & actually get into trouble for having a good time with you.
IRL Situation-- Cinderella gets questioned repeatedly about what she does while she's here, her mom tries to 'mom' her from far away. Cinderella had me listed as 'mom' along with her mom & her mom got pissed because we had gone shopping (see IRL situation #1) so she went in & took me off. This broke Cinderella's heart.
3. Along with the imaginary competition you will also become extremely jealous about EVERYTHING that the bio mom doesn't have. You will also have a 'sorry life', or 'no life' at all. Again, this will only be told to people that she/they know, because anyone who has 1/2 a brain will know that you really aren't jealous of anything.
IRL Situation--Posted on her facebook how I was jealous of her & how I needed to get a life.
4. You will have malicious lies told about you, occasionally they will have to do with YOUR children.
IRL Situation--How I kept my cool about this one, I'll never know. My bio daughter is staying with my folks because my mom has 2 different types of stage IV Lung Cancer. My mom & my daughter are EXTREMELY close. They have always been close. My folks want her at their house & she wants to be there. She's been in counseling for over a year discussing the what ifs & what might happen when Grammy & Papa die. This is where she wants to be. I've caught a ton of shit for this however when Cinderella's mom told my honey on the phone, "What the fuck, *my name*, can't take care of her own fucking kid, *my bio kids' name* is living with her fucking grandmother!". I just shook my head. Cinderella's mom KNOWS the truth however anything to make me look like shit so that she looks better, she's not below doing.
5. You will be expected to be everything that the bio mom isn't.
IRL Situation--I already am, this is why she has to say nasty crap about me in the first place.
6. Yes, just kneel and admit it that you have her 'sloppy seconds'. I prefer calling it "saving the best for last.'
IRL Situation-- Yes, I know.
7. Bio will possibly try and reminisce about your honey's past with him. Remember when we did this? Remember how this felt? This used to be so awesome with us? etc.
IRL Situation-- A private group was set up by Cinderella's mom just for her & my honey. This was shortly after I realized that she wanted something with him. Yes it's screen shotted. If she had nothing to hide than WHY was it private?
8. You could possibly be the target of Facebook/Twitter manipulation. Get a good screen shoot program and keep it all. If it gets nasty enough, it can & should go to court.
IRL Situation--Many, many, many times. I have a wonderful screen shot program & utilize it.
9. If you don't have a good attorney, get one.
IRL Situation-- When Cinderella's mom admitted in email that she didn't want any of my honey's money AFTER he offered to help pay for stuff, she sued him for 10 years of back support. This was of course after he refused to sleep with her & our whole relationship with her went to hell in a hand basket. Obviously her husband can't figure out what's really going on. Again, screen shotted.
10. Jealousy tends to rule a lot of the bio mom's imaginary problems.
IRL Situation--She was jealous because Cinderella CHOSE to spend her birthday with us. Yes, it's really in black & white AND screen shotted.
11. If you don't have a strong stomach & big shoulders, don't become a step mom.
IRL Situation--It's like driving a bus with NO steering wheel & no breaks.
12. You will be accused of trying to take over step child, that YOU want to be THEIR mom. Even if you have your own children & can have more.
IRL Situation-- I'm accused of this all the time. One time this past summer my son was driving me INSANE! I looked at him & said, "My name is NO LONGER MOMMY! It's JOSE!". Cinderella looked at me without skipping a beat & said, "Mama Jose!!" I laughed. She posted it on her facebook & within 24 hours she received an email that said, "Love your one & only mom." Say what? It was a J O K E! Insecure much?
13. Most of all, the absolute best piece of advice anyone has ever given is this, "It's about the child."
IRL Situation--It is completely all about Cinderella. If it wasn't, trust me, I generally get rid of psychotic people in my life. It's just bad Juju.
14. Don't EVER fight or discuss Step child's other parents in front of them. Keep adult matters between the adults!!
IRL Situation--Cinderella's bio mom & step dad can't do this. It's impossible. I have many screen shots of all of the manipulative crap that they pull on her. Everything from tell your dad this, tell your dad to do that, tell *my name* to do this etc. So much so that Cinderella's bio mom posted UNDER Cinderella's account ON her dad's wall, what a shitty father he was etc. Then went on to say that any and all comments would be going to Cinderella's phone & that if anyone had any comments to talk to HER, then she promptly deleted her facebook account. RIDICULOUS!
15. At the end of the day, this is what you are left with being a Step-mom-- You will bond with this child, you will wish nothing but the best for this child, even the best step mom, with the greatest intentions, has no say in what happens to this child. If my honey were to die tomorrow, I would have ZERO rights to see her or have anything to do with her. As heart breaking as that would be for me, it's worth it. I love my daughter just as my own. I stress about her, I worry about her, I think about her & I miss her.
IRL situation--This is how it is.. day in & day out.
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I have seen other website postings about the bio talking about rules & discipline that the child receives while at the dad's house. This has not been a problem with us. I swear, my daughter is amazing. That doesn't mean that I've never had to get on to her or tell her to keep her hands to herself. She never defies us when she DOES get in trouble. This last visit she had her laptop taken away for 1 night. Literally less than 12 hours because she set it down wrong after she'd been repeatedly told how to properly set it down so that it doesn't overheat & fry the insides.
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