Round & Round we go.

Wow, the need to update 2 different sections of my life.. how weird. (After typing this out I've decided to make it 2 separate blog posts)

First things first, since this one is about being a step mom, I'll update on Cinderella first. She's doing ok. Not great but ok. Her mother on the other hand is being psychotic. We had a fantastic lesson in this when her mother refused to let her grandmother take her to her brother's baby shower because she was mad at her son. Telling Cinderella that he was a bad influence. Really? That's your daughter's best friend. The son that YOU raised & you're now telling your daughter that he's a bad influence? Way to go dumb ass!!!

My Cinderella got in the car a few weeks ago & said that we NEEDED to go shopping because her mom & step dad were going on vacation & she needed clothes. I said, "Well sweetheart, if your mom & step dad has money to go on vacation then they have money to take you shopping." As heartless as this sounds, we just bought a TON of clothes for her last summer that she STILL fits in & that flatter her figure. She said, "Well my mom takes my clothes." I said, "That's an issue for you & your mom to figure out." I talked to my honey about it & he agreed. He is not funding her wardrobe, especially when we spend a ton in child support & travelling expenses.

This past time that I got my Cinderella she said, "I have a field trip at the end of next year & my mom said that if you guys pay for 1/2 she'll pay for 1/2." I said, "That was nice of her, how much is the trip?" She said, "$1,000.00." I said, "If it's your trip then I think that you should have to raise money as well instead of just having the money given to you." She said, "If I don't go, I'll be the only one in my family who doesn't get to go!" I said, "I suggest you start raising money then huh? A friend that you know, raised $2,000.00 to go to Hawaii & she's younger than you." Cinderella said, "How?" I said, "She worked her butt off & went door to door asking for donations." I said, "You'll have to talk to your dad about it, he's the one that makes the decisions about money concerning you." I texted my honey on the way home & he flipped shit. He said, "Ah no, she needs to raise SOME money on her own. I will help but not 1/2." Problem is whatever we don't give her mom & grandma will give so that way she doesn't have to raise any on her own. We think that she should have to EARN some money herself.

I discussed this with my child who is the same age & she said, "Yeah, we got the same brochure mom, ours said $2000.00, I know we don't have that kind of money so I just pitched it." Bless her.

We don't mind supporting Cinderella in her adventures but for her to expect money is ridiculous. Not to mention the exorbitant amount that we pay in child support & health insurance for her. We know that that money does not go for her living expenses because utilities are shut off at any given time & her mom & step dad drink it away. They have people showing up from rent-to-own places while Cinderella is home alone repo'ing TV's. I mean really. Come on now. Stop over-extending yourself!

Recently we got papers in the mail saying that his ex wants to keep the visitation arrangements the same. No, we are still going for FULL custody. While they were on vacation her step dad posted every single day about how drunk he was. FANTASTIC! They allowed Cinderella to wear a string bikini. I understand being comfortable in your own skin, however Cinderella is not a little girl. She burns like crazy. I'm sorry but at our house she has to wear the equivalent to a 1 piece with a shirt. The rule would still be the same if she was stick thin because of how she burns. SPF 50 doesn't even save her!

Her mom is more concerned about making sure that Cinderella understands the importance of a good tattoo & piercing than birth control. No 13 year old needs to have a belly button ring with the promise of when she turns 15 she'll let her get her belly button pierced. With the way things are going, there will be no piercings or tattoos because she'll be a mom by then. Sad to say, but it's true. Her mom is way more concerned with being a friend than a mom. Sickening to say the least.

Forced To Take A Break

I had to take a break from blogging because I found myself being sued by my ex. Him saying that I was in contempt of court for refusing visitation & not alternating every other holiday. I was flabberghasted. Then I found it comical that he was so stupid to file papers that were absolutely NOTHING but lies. 

$2,200.00 later I got myself a female version of Gerry. Oh how I miss Gerry!!! My new attorney is amazing. She's flat out the best there is. 

There were plenty of OMG moments in the court room. Let's start at the beginning so as not to confuse anyone. 

4/30/2011--My ex husband & his wife got into a fight. It was a pretty big fight where she cussed at my 7 year old daughter & used (explained) my ex husband's genitals in the fight as she was screaming at my daughter. I only found this out after I picked my babies up from their dad at 10 pm that night. I asked the ex to sign a paper saying that it was in our children's best interest NOT to be around his wife. She's a lose cannon & high strung. He signed with no questions asked, said that that wouldn't be a problem because he was divorcing her. I've heard this song & dance before. 

I texted him quite a few times requesting that he see the children. If he were anywhere near where I live I would meet him with the babies so that they could see him. July 2011 he saw my babies for 2 hours. That was it. 2 freaking hours. 

8/30/2011 He texted me to see if he could get the kids for a weekend. My reply was simple, "As long as your wife is around no." 

I knew then to get an attorney & I did just that. I went online and looked up our divorce record & saw that we had a pending court case for 9/21/2011. I called the court house to find out what was going on. They explained to me that *I* was being sued for contempt of court. My mind was B L O W N! Are you kidding me? He filed the papers 8/28/2011 & asked for visitation 2 days later? How does that work? 

I saw my attorney & she shook her head. She asked me if I had done anything or if the ex was bitching about anything. I said, "No. This came out of the blue." It did. We are filing back against him for an up in child support, modified visitations & a change of venue. 

He was served with notice of court less than 24 hours after I was served. 

I went to court on Wednesday, nervous. The presiding judge can be a hard ass & quite frankly doesn't necessarily like women. That is just MY opinion of him. 

We get there & of course the ex brings psychotic wife as well. Our case gets called up & I went through the doors, the ex went through & of course his wife went hauling ASS through the doors. The judge gave her a cock-eyed look & said, "Are you his counsel?" She PROUDLY said, "NO, I'M HIS WIFE!" The judge looked at her & said, "Go sit in the galley." CRACKED ME UP! DUMBASS! 

Here we go!! The judge looked at the ex & said, "What proof do you have that she has been refusing visits?" He said, "Your Honor, I haven't seen my children since July." That was his evidence. I looked down.. tried not to laugh. The judge addressed my attorney & asked why I shouldn't be held in contempt of court. My attorney provided the written statements showing that he agreed NOT to see the children as long as his wife was going to be there. That he was free to see the kids at any time as long as she wasn't around. 

The judge hopped up off his bench, made copies & showed them to the ex. He said, "Yes, those are my signatures." The judge asked if he had ever told me that he & his wife had reconciled? The ex said, "No, but I talked to her last week." The judge chuckled. He said, "We don't play like that." 

The issue came up of us moving jurisdictions. The judge asked if the ex had any concerns about moving the case. The ex opened his stupid ass mouth & said, "Well your honor you've presided over our whole divorce & so I think it's necessary that you continue to." The judge looked at him & said, "I haven't seen you guys in 3 years!" I hung my head.. held my giggles back. 

While all this is going on, his wife is just DYING to speak. She keeps having little out bursts. I'm actually surprised that the judge didn't throw her out. 

The judge said, "Ok that's all, I can't find her in contempt b/c she's not." The wife, from the galley said, "BUT WE'RE NOT DONE, THERE'S MORE!!" Then the ex spoke up, "We have more." The judge said, "Uhm, first page? All it says is contempt of court for refusal of visitation & every other holiday." We're done. The ex said, "There's more on the back pages." The judge said, "Those issues weren't filed correctly." HAHAHAHA! 

I was ready for all of it. The contempt of court, him dropping his salary from 60K a year to 13,200.00 a year etc. DO NOT MESS WITH MY CHILDREN YOU WILL LOSE! 

Court was adjourned. 

My attorney asked to speak to the ex & as usual 300 lbs of stupid (the wife) went hauling ass behind the ex. My attorney turned around & looked at her & said, "I WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM, NOT YOU!" HAHAHA! She came back out to the waiting area & plopped her 300 lb ass down. She stared me down the whole time. I giggled as I texted, I looked at my amazing ring, knowing that it was eating her alive. 

Not only do *I* know how stupid the both of them are, the judge knows too! The judge kept telling the ex that he should probably get an attorney b/c he can't give legal advice. 

As we were walking out my attorney said, "I told him that his wife was a bit high strung and she needed to chill out & that she could understand WHY I was fearful to send my children with him." I said, "If you can get him away from her, he's not bad to deal with. It's HER that's screwing this all up." 

It IS 300 lbs of stupid that's screwing this all up & the reason my babies don't want to go on visits with their dad. For the longest time I blamed her for the way she treats my babies. I blame 400 lbs of stupid now too though b/c he tolerates it & allows her to treat them that way. He's just as guilty as she is. 

Bottom line with the advice in this blog---

DO NOT LIE when you file papers with the court. You will look stupid. 

GET A GOOD ATTORNEY!--You'll need one, especially if you are dealing with children.

DO NOT BRING YOUR HOT HEADED SPOUSE TO COURT! 

If you are going to bring contempt charges, I suggest you have PROOF. 

KEEP EVERYTHING! When I went into court I have over 2 YEARS of emails between my attorney & I & my ex & I. I keep texts. I always have & it's proven CRUCIAL to my cases. 

DO NOT VERBALLY SPEAK TO THE EX ABOUT VISITATION, MONEY OWED, ETC. Do it all where it can be PRINTED out! Trust me, when they get into court, they lie. This can PROVE that! 

This week was stressful. Even though I KNEW I had the upper hand, it was still stressful. 

We have another court date coming up & so I'm sure as the time gets closer I won't be blogging again until it's over. This one I am the plaintiff & he's the defendant. 

Rule #7 Attorney & Court

GET A GOOD ATTORNEY!!! Seriously, it's dealing with the kids, GET A GOOD ATTORNEY! I can NOT stress this enough!!!

My attorney was amazing in my divorce. He wiped the floor with my ex and I received alimony, child support, 401K etc. He was awesome. I got the visitation stuff that I wanted AND for a judge who rarely does anything BUT 50/50 custody, I was awarded sole custody of the kids. I have custody of their doctor appointments, schooling etc. My word is THE final word.

Unfortunately my attorney committed suicide back in February. RIP sir. I loved him AND his secretary. Now someone else has taken over that I don't care for nearly as much. Him OR the secretary.

I met with the 'new' attorney back in April/May..somewhere in there. I was not impressed by him. Not at all. He is NOT even 1/2 the attorney my old attorney was. I felt safe with my old attorney. This one, not so much. I'm meeting with a new attorney on Friday. I can't wait. This is the same attorney that my honey used in his court case. If we could take this one up north for my honey's custody stuffs we would!

I am headed back to court because I'm being sued for being in contempt of court. I'm ready for it. Let's go. With a good attorney you don't have to worry about much. If this means you have to feast on Ramen for months then do it. A good attorney is the difference between hell and hope. My ex's attorney, that my ex eventually stiffed for money, was hitting on me DURING court. Get a good attorney.

Before you go back to court & issue notice to your ex that you aren't happy, try discussing it. It's been 3 years since I've been in court & I was content with everything. I was content with pulling child support from only 1 job instead of all 3 that he works. Apparently he is not, so therefor I am no longer content with only pulling child support from 1 job.

Stop and think before you file contempt charges. What you write is an affidavit & is considered sworn testimony. If your ex can prove you wrong, you have perjured yourself. Judges don't like liars. However if you are the defendant in the case & CAN prove that the plaintiff has perjured themselves, this is awesome for you. *bows*

Before going to court sit back and think about WHY you are suing the other person. Is it worth it? Play out all the scenarios. Have you done everything in your power to make things work? Have you fostered a relationship between ex and the children? Does s/he owe you money? Is there a chance that this could turn out poorly for you?

It seems as such the ones who WANT to go to court consider themselves the 'underdog' or victim. If you are an adult, unless it's a heinous crime, you are NOT a victim. A victim is a helpless person who has no choice. Those would be the children. So often people forget that this is NOT about them, it's about the children.

All of this being said, I'm ready for my court date. I'm ready for my honey's court date. Let's go. I'm ready to rumble.